Monday, November 16, 2009
Overcoming Fear of Rejection- Post 11
The dissolution of a relationship leaves many scars. The fear of rejection is a common scar left after the ending of a meaningful relationship. It can leave one emotionally immobilized, stagnated, depressed and lead to self-destructive, self-defeating irrational behaviors, and regression. Share with us, how you think one can learn to overcome their fear of rejection and be open again to engage in current and future relationships.
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In business, a sales door to door sales person knows that each time he or she knocks on a different door his chances of success increase.So in essence "success in achieving" love, wealth, fame,etc, lies mostly in the effort and amount of time expended in order to gain the results desired!
ReplyDeletethe way i have overcome "fear of rejection" in the past is by telling myself that, though i may have had some faults that lead to the end of a relationship, i am the better party. i'm the one who was wronged and any person would love to be with me. it helps that once guys know you're single (and sometimes before) they're drawn to you like moths to a flame. it helps your self confidence and as long as you're aware of the reality that you will still need time to heal before moving on to a new relationship, the initial attention you receive will help you overcome any fears of rejection
ReplyDeletein order to overcome fear of rejection remeber this....
ReplyDelete"YOU CANNOT MAKE SOMEONE LOVE YOU!!! YOU CAN ONLY BE A PERSON THAT CAN BE LOVED, THE REST IS UP TO THEM."
...STICK TO THIS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE AND YOULL BE GOOD. NOT EVRYONE CAN LOVE YOU BUT THERE IS SOMEONE OUT THERE THAT LOVES YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE : 0 )
Without the application of some kind of therapy or chemical input, there's only one thing that has ever reliably suppressed irrational, emotional responses, and that's rationale. I'm not inclined, however, to think that someone can be taught it; either they have the will and means to rationalize themselves around self-defeating behavior, or they don't.
ReplyDeleteLike you said, the dissolution of a relationship leaves many scars and I spent years going through this the hard way over and over. Honestly I'd rather have it that way because knowing life's peaks and valleys has really made me a stronger person. Along with that though, I really am only made stronger and whole through God. And I think that after a break up and feeling dissolutioned the only way to opening your heart again to someone else is first understanding the love that only God can give because that is the most important and only pure love in this world. Its that brings me the peace to say, yeah I have messed up in the past with my outlook and relationships with men but through Christ's love for me, I no longer have to carry that around with me to my next relationship any longer. And thats whats truly beautiful to me :]]]
ReplyDeleteI guess we all lose perspective in that instance. We get soooo caught up in what that one person thinks of us which is verrrry silly.
ReplyDeleteWe simply can't lose perspective "easier said than done" and truly believe that when a relationship ends, that it is ultimately in our best interest that it's over, so that we aren't damaged even more had it continued.
Having revealed my self to being prone to having manic love style may not be surprising to say that dealing with rejection was big hurdle to overcome. However, I was able to do it through the support of my friends and family. Yet, they also allowed me to be depressed and gave me space. Eventually, I was able to see the situation objectively and see my part in my own bad decision making. I think realizing my part in it all helped me become confident that I would never do that again. This self confidence and self awareness has made all the difference in opening me up to the possibility of love.
ReplyDeleteEvery time a girl would break up with me I would have the attitude that Its ok. I mean if she doesn't want to be with me its on her. I always felt that better was out there and I would find it sooner than later. Eventually I did with my wife Melissa.I think dewlling on the past and trying to get something back that is gone is a total waste of time. If he or she doesn't want you too bad but their is better out there and you can stop wasting everyone's time and just move on. I really cant help on this topic I just think if it doesn't work move on who cares it didn't work. its life
ReplyDeleteI was pondering the topic of rejection yesterday over a juicy steak dinner. Then as thoughts flew around within the ethereal realms of my mind. I tried to reconcile the intangible aspects of rejection with the very tangible qualities of the steak dinner before me. I finally came to the conclusion, that the concept of "rejection," is only used by someone to separate themselves from someone or something that they do not want to be with! So with this in mind, I plunged my knife and fork quickly into my steak, and at least for the delicious moment at hand. I momentarily struck that wretched and horrible word from my mind and vocabulary! Moral of the story. "Nothing like a great steak dinner to make yourself feel loved and accepted!"
ReplyDeleteGood comments, but we haven't heard from some of your comrades. Samir, Micah, Robert, Brandy, Michelle, Stefany, Natasha, Silvia? Are you out there? Thoughts?
ReplyDeleteWOW. JUST PUT ME AND THE OTHER ON THE SPOT LIKE THAT ha ha.You just have to keep going for it. Relationships are all a gamble. If one doesn't work, thats what you have friends for. The opposite sex is not that important until you find that important person. Until that you have your friends and family. No one else really matters :) Slug away.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I wouldn't know the best way to get over rejection. Every time I have been rejected, it's just like my world was falling apart, and my way of coping with it was just to make changes to better myself, hoping to make the person who rejected me regret their decision.
ReplyDeleteIn today's society, a man feels that if a woman rejects him in any way,however politely and kindly she does it, she has somehow invalidated his very masculinity. He can't help but feel that she is indirectly rejecting him as a man. He simply isn't good enough for her. And by extension, he is not good enough for anyone,including himself. It doesn't matter what her reasons are she might be sad today, or not feeling pretty, or newly broken up with her boyfriend, or happily married, or frustrated with her career or her life... or whatever. He still takes it personally.
ReplyDeleteEven the most confident of men among us those used to being constantly in the company of women - get rejected now and then; they still feel a twinge of hesitation when they encounter a woman that takes their breath away.
The fear of rejection is a man's deepest fear, and it causes him to hesitate, to catch himself, to pause with that oh-so familiar sinking feeling in his stomach. In other words, without her even saying a single word to him or even noticing him at all, he has already rejected himself.
She doesn't have to reject him because he has already done it for her.
The truth is, the fear of rejection is ingrained in all of us, including her. We have been conditioned by society to believe that we simply aren't good enough. It feels natural to us that others will reject us because we have lived with the fear of rejection our whole lives. We wear this fear around us like a blanket; we have grown accustomed to it.
In addition, the root of most of the problems in our relationships is our fundamental fear of rejection. For even in a seemingly stable and otherwise happy relationship, the latent fear of rejection can simmer just beneath the surface, manifesting itself occasionally (or often) in acts of jealousy or anger or selfishness or petty arguments.
We are born with only one fear; the fear of loud noises. All other fears are acquired as we move through life. When we were four years old, we all could sing. When we were four years old, we all could draw. But then we started to go to school and for the first time, we began to compare ourselves to others. We looked over at another kid's drawing and for the first time, we felt that maybe we couldn't draw.
Society has ingrained in our consciousness the notion that we might not be as good as someone else. Or, equally common, our parents conveyed to us through their words or their actions from an early age that we simply were not good enough.
Men spend their lives trying to compensate for this perceived lack of value. They try to wear the right clothes, get the right job, drive the right car; all in an attempt to distract her. We hope that maybe she won't notice - and ultimately reject - the real us.
The way I would overcome fear of rejection and again engage in relationships is continue talking to people because it is not the end of the world if you are rejected by most of them. Move on and get over it because you are not perfect and there is bound to be someone who will look past your flaws. I really do not know how to go about this because i have not been rejected or tried to get rejected... unless if i was and just did not notice. Really, I do not give a care who rejects me cause i am not here for anyone except for my priorities.
ReplyDeleteI was actually in the postion described in the post about 2 years ago, I realized the girl I had been in love with was a horrible selfish person, who just wanted to abuse my kindness and it left me devestated. I went on a month long bender, I had a horrible hobo beard, I wasnt eating, I was just in a horrible place, until a friend of a friend gave me some advice that really helped me out. Pointing out that this happens to everyone at least once, and that you can either move on and live your life or you can give up and wallow in self pity. It doesnt sound like much advice now, but at the time it was life changing.
ReplyDelete